Autism: Playing the Blame Game

What is the blame game? Well, lets say you go to the doctors office for a check up, go through a few tests and a few days later, you are back in the office, listening to your doctor telling you that you have Diabetes. As you tell your family, the blame game begins. It is not from my side of the family, it must come from your fathers side. That is the blame game!

When my husband and I were first told that our son is affected by the Autism Spectrum Disorder, we were told that it could be cause by our genetic background, environmental factors or that something wrong happened during the development of our son, in my womb. Either way, we were told that we could not blame ourselves as there is nothing that could have been done to prevent it and that blaming each other would not help our son anyway.

Then, our daughter was diagnosed with ASD as well and that it was definitely genetic. Then everything fell apart. Families from both sides started playing the blame game.

It has been two years and a half since our son was first diagnosed and then, while my husband blamed himself because of some childhood habits he had, and my father made me feel guilty saying that I was a teacher, the diagnostic was wrong and that our son acted this way simply because I did not spend enough time playing and talking to him as I was busy going to work. He told me that it was entirely my fault and that while I could help other peoples children I should be able to help my own child first.

Then, we were told that it was cause by our genes, following our daughters diagnosis, all hell broke loose! While my husband was later diagnosed with ADD and blamed himself even more, his aunt was blaming my family as nobody on my husbands side had Autism before.

My mother was reacting the same way as his aunt, blaming his side of the family because of the presence of Alzheimers disease in his family. I was blaming myself as I had been told that the presence of depression on my side may also be responsible for our childrens Autism. My father felt that the diagnostic was wrong as he did not know of anyone on his side of the family to ever have been diagnosed with ASD.

Then as if it was not enough, my son was also diagnosed with Epilepsy. When I fell down the stairs as a toddler, trying to go to my father, I too was diagnosed with Epilepsy but had been freed from it when I was a teenager. I was always scared of transmitting this condition to my children so imagine the blame I put on myself. My father shared that blame, hurting deeply from it.

My mother recently told me that I was odd as a child and that maybe I did have Autism but was never diagnosed. She also confided in me that it took her three years to accept my childrens Autism and daring to visit them. What a blow it was!

One thing that I realized very soon during the process is that blaming each other or each others family is not helping anyone in the long run, especially our children. The mother of one of my students told me once that God gave us children with Autism because he knows that we are the parents that will make a better tomorrow for them. Parents are often tailored to their childrens needs as their love is unconditional.

I always kept these kind words in mind. My husband and I have received the special services needed for our children to grow, learn and use their full potential. They are both very happy children, always full of smiles. Happiness is the most important gift we can give them.

Even if we still feel responsible in some way, we both agreed to focus on our childrens needs and happiness instead of playing the blame game. We need to be there for them 100% and to give ourselves to the fullest to themno matter whom or what may be responsible for their diagnosis.

Instead of playing the blame game why not focus on how you can help your child in any way possible instead? It has a far more positive outcome than blaming each other or yourself.

My name is Sylvie Leochko. I am the mother of two young children affected by the Autism Spectrum Disorder. I you wish to learn more about Autism, I invite you to visit the following sites: http://autism-spectrum-disorder.com and http://autism.findoutnow.org

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